i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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