oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
