he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
