Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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