Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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