I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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