dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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