My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize