He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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