what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
