please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
