There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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