Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
