i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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