i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
