Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
