she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
