it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We named our party play list daddy issues
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
