My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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