the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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