I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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