I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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