eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
