Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
