We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
