i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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