Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
