And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
