clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
