Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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