if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
