I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I touched a dick in church today
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
