Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
