my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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