Betty ford says i'm here all night
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
