i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
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so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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