We won't sleep together?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
