Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I need water and some morals
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
