i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
