last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
