why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
