her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Less talking, more tequila
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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