She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
