I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
