He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
