Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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