Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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