You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
