she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
