Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
