Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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