how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
