Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
