My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
