Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
