He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
