please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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