I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just gift wrapped bread.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
