I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
