were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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