I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
