I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED