john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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