Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.