Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.