omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
