How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
