i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
