im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
