so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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