I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My Sexting was not on an AP level
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
