Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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