this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
