They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
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Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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