I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
